As Dana wrote yesterday, we have had some very difficult news over the weekend. For those of you that are interested, I'll get the links updated in the next day or so - then you can read the infamous report and official statements.
Today I went to work with puffy, bloodshot eyes after a very very long weekend! Normally, I am not an internet person, but there were two things that have made this weekend bearable...Dana and the PAP friends online. Family is amazing, but there are some things that only those that are going through this can fully grasp. Ironically, I have been reading a book"this is not the life that I ordered"! Right now it is really hard to talk about because I don't have an answer for the inevitable question of "what now?". We don't know what now, other than to grieve for something you wanted so badly but cannot fully make sense of why you cannot have it.
So onto my evening, deciding I had enough of the puffy red eyes, I decided that tonight was going to be about realizing how much we do have. I spent a couple hours in a lower income neighborhood, observing and doing random deeds such as purchasing people's groceries. I will admit this was selfish because doing these random acts of kindness was more fun than I have had in a very long time! So I know that while we don't have everything we want and have experienced a very big loss that I don't know if I will ever full recover from, I do know that Dana and I do have a lot and are very lucky in alot of ways. Long story short, if you are depressed, doing these random acts of kindness is the best medicine I have found to date!!
I will ask that you keep us and the hundreds of VN adoptive families in your thoughts and there are alot of us trying to figure out "what next??"
You are Here
April 29, 2008
April 28, 2008
Not Good News from Vietnam
It is with a heavy heart that I write that Kara and I's Vietnam adoption adventure is quickly grinding to a standstill. Today Vietnam announced that there will be no renewal of the agreement with the US and that no referrals will be made after July 1st.
This basically means that given where Kara and I are in the process we have no chance of adopting any time soon. It could be years before Vietnam and the US work out another agreement. We feel very caught between squabbling governments. It is like we are drifting around in a sea of circumstances beyond our control. We keep looking around for some sense of direction, but the only thing we can find is eachother.
We try to tell ourselves that this is all in the best interests of the vietnamese children and families to make sure there is no corruption going on. But at the same time there are still 2 million orphans in Vietnam and they ARE being adopted by citizens of other countries - just not the USA. So much for the moral imperative.
As I've been touted as the eternal optimist, I've been trying to think of something uplifting to say. We will keep our heads high, adapt to our new circumstances, and continue our adoption journey...
To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This basically means that given where Kara and I are in the process we have no chance of adopting any time soon. It could be years before Vietnam and the US work out another agreement. We feel very caught between squabbling governments. It is like we are drifting around in a sea of circumstances beyond our control. We keep looking around for some sense of direction, but the only thing we can find is eachother.
We try to tell ourselves that this is all in the best interests of the vietnamese children and families to make sure there is no corruption going on. But at the same time there are still 2 million orphans in Vietnam and they ARE being adopted by citizens of other countries - just not the USA. So much for the moral imperative.
As I've been touted as the eternal optimist, I've been trying to think of something uplifting to say. We will keep our heads high, adapt to our new circumstances, and continue our adoption journey...
To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
March 4, 2008
Everyone Needs an Optimist
There is so much uncertainty withing the VN adoption world right now. The 1-600 approval process is taking much longer than it is supposed to and the referrals have all but come to a screeching halt. For awhile we were seeing our agency place at least a few children a month and now there has been no activity since last summer/fall. We used to wonder when, now we wonder if.
From the United States Government:
"Discussions about revision and renewal of the Agreement are a priority for both governments, but there is no certainty a new Agreement will be in place on September 1. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires. We do not know whether the Government of Vietnam will continue to process pending cases if the current Agreement expires before a new Agreement takes effect. Moreover, given concerns about the existing level of protection for children in Vietnam, it is unlikely that the Agreement can be renewed in its current form.
I try to hold on to any small piece of information that could be positive. We learned today that VN may not honor all of us that have dossiers in Vietnam if the agreement between VN and the US expires. I am forever grateful that I married an optimist. Dana is an optimist to the core and I have never appreciated that as much as I do lately. Still the constant unknowns are heart wrenching. The only way that I can explain this situatino to those that aren't in the adoption circle is that I would guess this is like being permanently in your first trimester of a pregnancy....walking that fine line between being so excited and being terrified that something could go wrong.
So for now, we have no idea how this journey is going to end. I can only be thankful that I have Dana's optimism to feed off of. But I know it wouldn't hurt for everyone to keep all of us that are in this crazy world of unknowns in your thoughts!
From the United States Government:
"Discussions about revision and renewal of the Agreement are a priority for both governments, but there is no certainty a new Agreement will be in place on September 1. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires. We do not know whether the Government of Vietnam will continue to process pending cases if the current Agreement expires before a new Agreement takes effect. Moreover, given concerns about the existing level of protection for children in Vietnam, it is unlikely that the Agreement can be renewed in its current form.
I try to hold on to any small piece of information that could be positive. We learned today that VN may not honor all of us that have dossiers in Vietnam if the agreement between VN and the US expires. I am forever grateful that I married an optimist. Dana is an optimist to the core and I have never appreciated that as much as I do lately. Still the constant unknowns are heart wrenching. The only way that I can explain this situatino to those that aren't in the adoption circle is that I would guess this is like being permanently in your first trimester of a pregnancy....walking that fine line between being so excited and being terrified that something could go wrong.
So for now, we have no idea how this journey is going to end. I can only be thankful that I have Dana's optimism to feed off of. But I know it wouldn't hurt for everyone to keep all of us that are in this crazy world of unknowns in your thoughts!
March 2, 2008
WE GOT OUR NUMBER!!!!
February 27th was an exciting day for Kara and I. We received word from Orphans Overseas that our dossier was out of translation and we got our official wait list number. I guess this would mean a lot more if we knew there were placements being made, but for now we are excited. It is any one's guess when we will actually get a referral. I am holding out for this year.
January 31, 2008
One step closer
I thought about giving this entry the title "anywhere but here"...for those of you that don't know we sent our dossier and 171-h to Michigan for authentication back in December. We got it back in just a few days (definetly a first for MI since our first experience with MI was weeks longer than any other state!). Needless to say, we were excited...then we found out they did it wrong! So our agency sent it to them again...again they did it wrong!! So finally our agency decided to override MI and have Oregon complete our authentication process. Thank you Oregon for turning this around for us!
Long story short, our dossier has made it from MI (twice), to Oregon then on to California and is now on its way Vietnam!!! For those of you not in the adoption community, this basically means that everything that we need to do on our end is complete until we get notice of a referral. At that point we will run around like crazy and get medical info updated, criminal info updated and make travel arrangements. Our agency is telling us that with the new laws/changes in the Vietnam program, our original timeline of this summer/fall will most likely not happen. We continue to stay optimistic because so many people ahead of us on the waitlist are waiting for girls....we are just waiting for our child. Keep your fingers crossed that this is sooner rather than later!!!
Long story short, our dossier has made it from MI (twice), to Oregon then on to California and is now on its way Vietnam!!! For those of you not in the adoption community, this basically means that everything that we need to do on our end is complete until we get notice of a referral. At that point we will run around like crazy and get medical info updated, criminal info updated and make travel arrangements. Our agency is telling us that with the new laws/changes in the Vietnam program, our original timeline of this summer/fall will most likely not happen. We continue to stay optimistic because so many people ahead of us on the waitlist are waiting for girls....we are just waiting for our child. Keep your fingers crossed that this is sooner rather than later!!!
January 7, 2008
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