Trying to let it all sink in

As Dana wrote yesterday, we have had some very difficult news over the weekend. For those of you that are interested, I'll get the links updated in the next day or so - then you can read the infamous report and official statements.

Today I went to work with puffy, bloodshot eyes after a very very long weekend! Normally, I am not an internet person, but there were two things that have made this weekend bearable...Dana and the PAP friends online. Family is amazing, but there are some things that only those that are going through this can fully grasp. Ironically, I have been reading a book"this is not the life that I ordered"! Right now it is really hard to talk about because I don't have an answer for the inevitable question of "what now?". We don't know what now, other than to grieve for something you wanted so badly but cannot fully make sense of why you cannot have it.

So onto my evening, deciding I had enough of the puffy red eyes, I decided that tonight was going to be about realizing how much we do have. I spent a couple hours in a lower income neighborhood, observing and doing random deeds such as purchasing people's groceries. I will admit this was selfish because doing these random acts of kindness was more fun than I have had in a very long time! So I know that while we don't have everything we want and have experienced a very big loss that I don't know if I will ever full recover from, I do know that Dana and I do have a lot and are very lucky in alot of ways. Long story short, if you are depressed, doing these random acts of kindness is the best medicine I have found to date!!

I will ask that you keep us and the hundreds of VN adoptive families in your thoughts and there are alot of us trying to figure out "what next??"