...just not the kind worth celebrating! I am forewarning anyone that is reading this that this will probably turn into a rambling post as it is that kind of night!
It has officially been more than one year since we began this journey. When we got on this rollercoaster, we would have thought that we would be home playint with our nearly 1yr old child right now. Instead, I am trying to develop some perspective on something that just seems so unreal. The thing that only those of living this nightmare can understand is that is not the hours spent or the mounds of paperwork that we compiled, or even the thousands of dollars in checks that we wrote that is the most frustrating. The hardest part of this is the lack of understanding and grieving the loss of a dream. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not much of a dreamer, but more of a realist. Being a realist and all, I had thought that I had carefully guarded my emotions; we told very few people, kept up on the latest government revelations and remained cautiously optimistic. I obviously did not do a good enough job of guarding these feelings because I am crushed! I am so tired...tired of hoping, tired of being in constant limbo, tired of the uknowns, tired of crying, tired of the questions that have no answers...just mentally and emotionally tired.
On the upside, this process is a test and can only make you stronger as a person(although I think I am now sufficently strong enough!) This rollercoaster ride has allowed me to meet some amazing women, has tested my faith, tested my strength and tested my patience. I think that Dana and I continue to pass these tests with flying colors as we wait for the next chapter...time will tell!
As always, keep us in your thoughts
You are Here
May 21, 2008
May 3, 2008
The US report
As we mentioned earlier there is a report issued by the US government explaining their findings and why they believe the VN program needs to be closed. VN is denying these allegations. We have to remember that there are always extreme instances of corruption (in every country), which none of us want to be a part of, however, these cases are not indicative of all adoptions in VN.
Its getting some attention
Many families have been working to get the status of the VN adoptions publicized. Here is a link of a family in MN that has done just that. There is the printed article and then on the right hand side, please run the video the waiting adoptive parents.
April 29, 2008
Trying to let it all sink in
As Dana wrote yesterday, we have had some very difficult news over the weekend. For those of you that are interested, I'll get the links updated in the next day or so - then you can read the infamous report and official statements.
Today I went to work with puffy, bloodshot eyes after a very very long weekend! Normally, I am not an internet person, but there were two things that have made this weekend bearable...Dana and the PAP friends online. Family is amazing, but there are some things that only those that are going through this can fully grasp. Ironically, I have been reading a book"this is not the life that I ordered"! Right now it is really hard to talk about because I don't have an answer for the inevitable question of "what now?". We don't know what now, other than to grieve for something you wanted so badly but cannot fully make sense of why you cannot have it.
So onto my evening, deciding I had enough of the puffy red eyes, I decided that tonight was going to be about realizing how much we do have. I spent a couple hours in a lower income neighborhood, observing and doing random deeds such as purchasing people's groceries. I will admit this was selfish because doing these random acts of kindness was more fun than I have had in a very long time! So I know that while we don't have everything we want and have experienced a very big loss that I don't know if I will ever full recover from, I do know that Dana and I do have a lot and are very lucky in alot of ways. Long story short, if you are depressed, doing these random acts of kindness is the best medicine I have found to date!!
I will ask that you keep us and the hundreds of VN adoptive families in your thoughts and there are alot of us trying to figure out "what next??"
Today I went to work with puffy, bloodshot eyes after a very very long weekend! Normally, I am not an internet person, but there were two things that have made this weekend bearable...Dana and the PAP friends online. Family is amazing, but there are some things that only those that are going through this can fully grasp. Ironically, I have been reading a book"this is not the life that I ordered"! Right now it is really hard to talk about because I don't have an answer for the inevitable question of "what now?". We don't know what now, other than to grieve for something you wanted so badly but cannot fully make sense of why you cannot have it.
So onto my evening, deciding I had enough of the puffy red eyes, I decided that tonight was going to be about realizing how much we do have. I spent a couple hours in a lower income neighborhood, observing and doing random deeds such as purchasing people's groceries. I will admit this was selfish because doing these random acts of kindness was more fun than I have had in a very long time! So I know that while we don't have everything we want and have experienced a very big loss that I don't know if I will ever full recover from, I do know that Dana and I do have a lot and are very lucky in alot of ways. Long story short, if you are depressed, doing these random acts of kindness is the best medicine I have found to date!!
I will ask that you keep us and the hundreds of VN adoptive families in your thoughts and there are alot of us trying to figure out "what next??"
April 28, 2008
Not Good News from Vietnam
It is with a heavy heart that I write that Kara and I's Vietnam adoption adventure is quickly grinding to a standstill. Today Vietnam announced that there will be no renewal of the agreement with the US and that no referrals will be made after July 1st.
This basically means that given where Kara and I are in the process we have no chance of adopting any time soon. It could be years before Vietnam and the US work out another agreement. We feel very caught between squabbling governments. It is like we are drifting around in a sea of circumstances beyond our control. We keep looking around for some sense of direction, but the only thing we can find is eachother.
We try to tell ourselves that this is all in the best interests of the vietnamese children and families to make sure there is no corruption going on. But at the same time there are still 2 million orphans in Vietnam and they ARE being adopted by citizens of other countries - just not the USA. So much for the moral imperative.
As I've been touted as the eternal optimist, I've been trying to think of something uplifting to say. We will keep our heads high, adapt to our new circumstances, and continue our adoption journey...
To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This basically means that given where Kara and I are in the process we have no chance of adopting any time soon. It could be years before Vietnam and the US work out another agreement. We feel very caught between squabbling governments. It is like we are drifting around in a sea of circumstances beyond our control. We keep looking around for some sense of direction, but the only thing we can find is eachother.
We try to tell ourselves that this is all in the best interests of the vietnamese children and families to make sure there is no corruption going on. But at the same time there are still 2 million orphans in Vietnam and they ARE being adopted by citizens of other countries - just not the USA. So much for the moral imperative.
As I've been touted as the eternal optimist, I've been trying to think of something uplifting to say. We will keep our heads high, adapt to our new circumstances, and continue our adoption journey...
To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
March 4, 2008
Everyone Needs an Optimist
There is so much uncertainty withing the VN adoption world right now. The 1-600 approval process is taking much longer than it is supposed to and the referrals have all but come to a screeching halt. For awhile we were seeing our agency place at least a few children a month and now there has been no activity since last summer/fall. We used to wonder when, now we wonder if.
From the United States Government:
"Discussions about revision and renewal of the Agreement are a priority for both governments, but there is no certainty a new Agreement will be in place on September 1. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires. We do not know whether the Government of Vietnam will continue to process pending cases if the current Agreement expires before a new Agreement takes effect. Moreover, given concerns about the existing level of protection for children in Vietnam, it is unlikely that the Agreement can be renewed in its current form.
I try to hold on to any small piece of information that could be positive. We learned today that VN may not honor all of us that have dossiers in Vietnam if the agreement between VN and the US expires. I am forever grateful that I married an optimist. Dana is an optimist to the core and I have never appreciated that as much as I do lately. Still the constant unknowns are heart wrenching. The only way that I can explain this situatino to those that aren't in the adoption circle is that I would guess this is like being permanently in your first trimester of a pregnancy....walking that fine line between being so excited and being terrified that something could go wrong.
So for now, we have no idea how this journey is going to end. I can only be thankful that I have Dana's optimism to feed off of. But I know it wouldn't hurt for everyone to keep all of us that are in this crazy world of unknowns in your thoughts!
From the United States Government:
"Discussions about revision and renewal of the Agreement are a priority for both governments, but there is no certainty a new Agreement will be in place on September 1. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires. We do not know whether the Government of Vietnam will continue to process pending cases if the current Agreement expires before a new Agreement takes effect. Moreover, given concerns about the existing level of protection for children in Vietnam, it is unlikely that the Agreement can be renewed in its current form.
I try to hold on to any small piece of information that could be positive. We learned today that VN may not honor all of us that have dossiers in Vietnam if the agreement between VN and the US expires. I am forever grateful that I married an optimist. Dana is an optimist to the core and I have never appreciated that as much as I do lately. Still the constant unknowns are heart wrenching. The only way that I can explain this situatino to those that aren't in the adoption circle is that I would guess this is like being permanently in your first trimester of a pregnancy....walking that fine line between being so excited and being terrified that something could go wrong.
So for now, we have no idea how this journey is going to end. I can only be thankful that I have Dana's optimism to feed off of. But I know it wouldn't hurt for everyone to keep all of us that are in this crazy world of unknowns in your thoughts!
March 2, 2008
WE GOT OUR NUMBER!!!!
February 27th was an exciting day for Kara and I. We received word from Orphans Overseas that our dossier was out of translation and we got our official wait list number. I guess this would mean a lot more if we knew there were placements being made, but for now we are excited. It is any one's guess when we will actually get a referral. I am holding out for this year.
January 31, 2008
One step closer
I thought about giving this entry the title "anywhere but here"...for those of you that don't know we sent our dossier and 171-h to Michigan for authentication back in December. We got it back in just a few days (definetly a first for MI since our first experience with MI was weeks longer than any other state!). Needless to say, we were excited...then we found out they did it wrong! So our agency sent it to them again...again they did it wrong!! So finally our agency decided to override MI and have Oregon complete our authentication process. Thank you Oregon for turning this around for us!
Long story short, our dossier has made it from MI (twice), to Oregon then on to California and is now on its way Vietnam!!! For those of you not in the adoption community, this basically means that everything that we need to do on our end is complete until we get notice of a referral. At that point we will run around like crazy and get medical info updated, criminal info updated and make travel arrangements. Our agency is telling us that with the new laws/changes in the Vietnam program, our original timeline of this summer/fall will most likely not happen. We continue to stay optimistic because so many people ahead of us on the waitlist are waiting for girls....we are just waiting for our child. Keep your fingers crossed that this is sooner rather than later!!!
Long story short, our dossier has made it from MI (twice), to Oregon then on to California and is now on its way Vietnam!!! For those of you not in the adoption community, this basically means that everything that we need to do on our end is complete until we get notice of a referral. At that point we will run around like crazy and get medical info updated, criminal info updated and make travel arrangements. Our agency is telling us that with the new laws/changes in the Vietnam program, our original timeline of this summer/fall will most likely not happen. We continue to stay optimistic because so many people ahead of us on the waitlist are waiting for girls....we are just waiting for our child. Keep your fingers crossed that this is sooner rather than later!!!
January 7, 2008
A decision and a process
For us, the decision to adopt and start our family has been the easiest and the most difficult decision of our lives. There are currently an estimated 2million orphans in Vientam that need loving families. We know that we want to have children and feel that this is the best way for us to begin to grow our family. Unfortunately, unlike a pregnancy, we do not have a timeline. Due to government changes between the US and Vietnam, our estimated wait has changed numerous times in the past few months. I have shed many tears over these unknowns, but you don’t go into an international adoption without taking a huge leap of faith. This will be the ultimate test of my patience!!
I wanted to give you an idea of what this process involves and what our past 7 months have been like.
Step 1 - We selected our two agencies (placement and homestudy) and signed our adoption contract on June 8th. That is when this ride really got into full swing.
Step 2 – Paperchase & homestudy. For three months we have compiled birth certificates, marriage certificates and financial statements. We completed book reports, internet trainings, and autobiographies. We met with doctors, policeman, notaries and social workers. The results of all of this, as well as our references (a big thank you to those that fulfilled this requirement for us!!) are reviewed by the homestudy agency and make up our dossier that will get sent to Vietnam.
Step 3- Once out homestudy is approved, we had to submit the I-600A to the USCIS (United States Citizen and Immigration Services), a department of homeland security. This form is our petition to bring an orphan into the US. Once approved, we received the coveted I-171H (our approval).
Step 4 – The I-171H and the majority of our paperchase documents are compiled to create our dossier. This packet is sent to authentication and then to translation. Once the dossier is translated in Vietnam we receive our official waitlist number from our agency.
Step 5- WAIT and WAIT
Step 6- Travel to Hanoi, Vietnam for 2-3 weeks where we will meet and adopt our child!!
I wanted to give you an idea of what this process involves and what our past 7 months have been like.
Step 1 - We selected our two agencies (placement and homestudy) and signed our adoption contract on June 8th. That is when this ride really got into full swing.
Step 2 – Paperchase & homestudy. For three months we have compiled birth certificates, marriage certificates and financial statements. We completed book reports, internet trainings, and autobiographies. We met with doctors, policeman, notaries and social workers. The results of all of this, as well as our references (a big thank you to those that fulfilled this requirement for us!!) are reviewed by the homestudy agency and make up our dossier that will get sent to Vietnam.
Step 3- Once out homestudy is approved, we had to submit the I-600A to the USCIS (United States Citizen and Immigration Services), a department of homeland security. This form is our petition to bring an orphan into the US. Once approved, we received the coveted I-171H (our approval).
Step 4 – The I-171H and the majority of our paperchase documents are compiled to create our dossier. This packet is sent to authentication and then to translation. Once the dossier is translated in Vietnam we receive our official waitlist number from our agency.
Step 5- WAIT and WAIT
Step 6- Travel to Hanoi, Vietnam for 2-3 weeks where we will meet and adopt our child!!
January 5, 2008
Obama Inspiring in Iowa
I think everyone, regardless of political affiliation, should watch this video.
This guy represents something in America that I want. I can see our country through his eyes.
This guy represents something in America that I want. I can see our country through his eyes.
January 1, 2008
Welcome - First Posting
Hello Everyone,
Welcome to Kara and Dana Burd's first blog experience! As most of you probably know, we are in the middle of an adoption from Vietnam. We created this blog to document our experience of becoming parents and to share this amazing journey with our family and friends. We will be sharing our excitement and joy as well as our trials and tribulations. So HOLD ON TIGHT! We are in for the ride of a lifetime.
Please feel free to leave us comments.
Sincerely,
Dana and Kara Burd
Welcome to Kara and Dana Burd's first blog experience! As most of you probably know, we are in the middle of an adoption from Vietnam. We created this blog to document our experience of becoming parents and to share this amazing journey with our family and friends. We will be sharing our excitement and joy as well as our trials and tribulations. So HOLD ON TIGHT! We are in for the ride of a lifetime.
Please feel free to leave us comments.
Sincerely,
Dana and Kara Burd
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