...just not the kind worth celebrating! I am forewarning anyone that is reading this that this will probably turn into a rambling post as it is that kind of night!
It has officially been more than one year since we began this journey. When we got on this rollercoaster, we would have thought that we would be home playint with our nearly 1yr old child right now. Instead, I am trying to develop some perspective on something that just seems so unreal. The thing that only those of living this nightmare can understand is that is not the hours spent or the mounds of paperwork that we compiled, or even the thousands of dollars in checks that we wrote that is the most frustrating. The hardest part of this is the lack of understanding and grieving the loss of a dream. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not much of a dreamer, but more of a realist. Being a realist and all, I had thought that I had carefully guarded my emotions; we told very few people, kept up on the latest government revelations and remained cautiously optimistic. I obviously did not do a good enough job of guarding these feelings because I am crushed! I am so tired...tired of hoping, tired of being in constant limbo, tired of the uknowns, tired of crying, tired of the questions that have no answers...just mentally and emotionally tired.
On the upside, this process is a test and can only make you stronger as a person(although I think I am now sufficently strong enough!) This rollercoaster ride has allowed me to meet some amazing women, has tested my faith, tested my strength and tested my patience. I think that Dana and I continue to pass these tests with flying colors as we wait for the next chapter...time will tell!
As always, keep us in your thoughts
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